Unplugged

Is this the long way home? My son and I took advantage of the beautiful fall day Saturday, and he walked/ran with me. I had a good first mile, followed by the muscles in my knees constricting me to a fast paced walk on the way home. Regardless, it was a great time with my son.

It’s the only word I can think of when it comes to how I feel a majority of the time lately.

I feel this way when I work out.

I feel this way mid-morning,

and most afternoons too. 

UNPLUGGED.

It comes and goes, but mostly… there is no consistency of energy bursts…

If there is, it’s followed by complete exhaustion.  

If I stay up too late, or sleep terribly, or am out in the cold, or run too many errands, or stand on my feet too long… the list goes on.

My biggest defense is maintaining an even level of low energy, and low stress, so that I don’t get worn down too far.  It works pretty well, most days.  Someday I still crash.  A nap is then required.

I told my kids the story of the spoon theory – so they understand when mommy is short on spoons, or my spoons have run out for the day.

I have such great intentions and I tell myself… YOU ARE NOT an auto immune disease.  YOU WILL FIGHT BACK.  MOVE Sara.  MOVE!!!

I put on my workout clothes – encouraging myself to move.

Some days it works.

Some days I’m angry that *I* can’t do it all, or if I don’t feel like it physically, when mentally all I want to do is move.  I know I need to move.  I like moving.  I miss feeling killer after a workout, instead of stuck in a cement block.

BUT…  I know I’m doing exactly what God would have me do those days.

I have kids, and school to teach and papers to grade.  There are meals to prepare… I have laundry to wash and sort, and organizing of our home and supplies and work with two businesses.  That doesn’t shut off when a mom doesn’t feel up to par.  We don’t get sick days, or ‘stay at home and do nothing days’ …  I take moments, but just keep swimming as Dori and Nemo like to say.

{Yes, we just finally watched Nemo for the first time ever.}

My peace is in the Lord.  My rest is in Him who gives me HOPE.

Instead we’ve moved our schedule around, allowing me more time for flexibility in the afternoon for my work or rest, and more structured computer instruction time for the kids with school.  What is usually my best time (morning) is devoted to my one-on-one time and group time with the kids so we can study Scripture, talk about what is going on with the world, and most importantly current events – the election!  I’m so thankful we home school – it’s made my bad days – a bit more bearable.  I’m thankful I’m not accountable to tell one more person how I feel…  or justify why I don’t look sick to them when I feel like I’m dying inside.

I don’t have to hide out, or over explain or say one more time – NO.  

NO. I don’t feel better with a magic pill.  

NO. This isn’t a virus that will go away.  

NO. I don’t know what caused it.  

NO. I don’t know how long I will feel this way.  

Believe me, I want to be well… this isn’t just in my head.

I am thankful I have people who need and love me.  I have people praying for me, and encouraging me every day.  God truly does give us just what we need.

I am thankful.

In one week, I get to finally see an endocrinologist/geneticist.  My prayer is that I can list my symptoms, and she will know exactly what I should be tested for.  I pray she’s good listener, and I can really get the help I’m needing.  Whatever that is.

Bob Harper always says, “NO MORE excuses,”  when it comes to working out.  I guess that’s how I have always felt in life.

NO EXCUSES. =  “Don’t be lazy.”  If you mess your bed, you make your bed.  The life you are blessed with is the one you learn to thrive in.

I will continue doing all I can.

Even if it’s less than what I want.  

I know it will never be more or less than God will allow.  Here’s to being healthy for Him! 🙂

{One more praise.  My doctor’s office called today.  My slide from my endoscopy (my biopsy from the upper test for celiac) is on its way to the University of Chicago pathology for a second opinion.  Pray for a miracle, that they might find the answers we already know in our hearts from the ONE sample taken – so we might have medical documentation and confirmation so we might never have to purposefully eat gluten again.  PRAY it is enough.  It is obvious, my body cannot handle it.}

“Therefore there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.”

Romans 8:1

Posted on October 24, 2012, in Celiac/Gluten Sensitivity, Our Struggles, Truth and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 2 Comments.

  1. Praying for you my dear friend. I pray everyday that you feel well and that you have the strength to get done what HE wants you to complete! You are such an inspiration to so many! Thank you for sharing your struggles. I know it helps others NOT feel alone. Keep doing all you can and moving all you can for Him. HE will continue to push you through!

  2. You have no idea what the encouragement means to me. Thank you. God has blessed me greatly, with your friendship.

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