What’s The Prize?

The handiwork of my 1st grader… who is technically in kindergarten! I love this verse.

Pain.

It hurts.

Physical.  Emotional.

Either way – it’s very real.

Unfortunately, pain is also considered … subjective.

People who have a high pain tolerance, may consider someone else wimpy… who does not.

There truly isn’t way to measure pain to decide if someone is “faking it” or not.

Once I read about how your pain receptors are in different areas, so perhaps one person’s pain IS different from another’s!

Maybe God did create us all differently, for His glory?? 

Of course He did.

I always have considered myself pretty strong in the pain tolerance category, but low in emotional tolerance.  I nursed my children through horrific trauma to my breast tissue, and carried on in the name of what most would consider stubborn…  I dealt with the pains and discomfort of 8 pregnancies… and labors.

But all the bus driver had to do in elementary school was look at me wrong – and the tears were flowing.

In my family when I was young, when we didn’t see eye to eye – or things didn’t go as I had hoped when I had planned my future…  I built this imaginary wall around my heart – to protect it from feeling chronic hurt and disappointment because I felt as though I had let myself and my heavenly Father down.

I attempted to be tough and emotionless, because tough people don’t cry – and they don’t get hurt.

I wish.

The truth is, people who are supposed to love, encourage, and support you – often times are the ones who can hurt you the most.  They may lack empathy, or compassion… They may be a fixer, and this may beyond their ability to fix – so they ignore you, or avoid you or are a terrible listener.

When I’m in pain – physical, or emotionally …  I call on the Lord…  because I know – no matter what.  He will be there.

As much as we’d like others to listen… it’s a rarity that anyone wants to hear about negative things–  but they’ll be happy to hear about your joy.  The same goes for emotional – most people don’t like dealing with things that are upsetting … and it’s easier to pretend you’re not talking.  (Look!  I got an email on my phone…I’m sorry, what were you saying?)

But just like an open wound left uncared for, wounds of our heart continue to grow – year after year… if they’re never dealt with…  and I’ve never been a good one to confront.  Early on in my walk with God – He did convict me of this, but I quickly figured out if it’s one sided – it doesn’t solve very much… Do you best, ask forgiveness – and love, love, love.

So this week, when my body was hurting beyond measure for what I thought was an unknown reason…  my heart also began to hurt, for first my husband, and then myself, and our children when we found out some unexpected news.

Everyone has good days, and bad… and the past week was just one of utter sadness for my family.  The limitations of a large family sometimes hurt, but just as we trusted in God to grow our family – beyond OUR own comfort zone – we must trust in the Lord as we’ve added in a wonky diet to the mix. As the world goes on beyond your back, claiming trying not to hurt your feelings, while stabbing you right in the heart…  you must decide if you’re going to sit in your pain, or put on that breastplate of righteousness.

There are times when I can be filled with frustration, and my calm and centered husband will remind me:   “This world is a mess.  Keep your eyes on the prize.”

He is right.

As we continue studying the armor of God, and specifically putting on the protective piece that guards our heart – the breastplate… I’m reminded that Satan just LOVES to see discord, and thrives on those who lie, sneak and justify.  We will not fall prey to those temptations of the world, where moth and rust destroy.  God has bigger plans for our family, to be used in a way we just can’t see yet….

and I felt a peace wash over me when my husband held me and we unleashed our emotions together.

We were even blessed with a date, which we planned 3 months ago… God’s perfect timing! It is definitely THAT time of year for us – so it was a boost we both really needed.

“The Lord is my light and my salvation, whom shall I fear?”

Psalm 27:1

Posted on October 15, 2012, in Celiac/Gluten Sensitivity, Our Struggles and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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